On the eve of the birthday of one of India’s most celebrated sons, Sachin Tendulkar, social media lowlife paajivspunter got in touch with Team Tendulkar to organize a surprise birthday party at the little master’s residence. He got in an hour before midnight, microphone in tow, hoping to interview the master after wishing him. Here are the excerpts of the interview:
PVP: (sneaking up on Tendulkar) Happy birthday Sachin!!!!!!
SRT: (wakes up startled from his straight drive high elbow side view sleep pose) Uhh… First, the ball was not coming on to the bat, but I decided to hang in there (shrugs his shoulders) and play my shots. Oh sorry, I was on autopilot! ( quickly composes himself) Thank you very much for the surprise!
PVP: Nothing to explain Sachin Paaji, I know quite a bit about you. Even the bit about your sleepwalking! In fact, part of my blog’s title has been named after you (realizing that he can’t attribute the generic term paaji to Sachin, hastily changes the subject) How has life been after retirement?
SRT: I’m a bit worried about Vijay Merchant’s Bombay school of batsmanship. Agarkar was part of this proud tradition when he scored that hundred at Lord’s but now who will take over? Rohit? Sigh.. (shakes his head). He only copies my exaggerated crouch after getting clean bowled…
PVP: Paaji, do you feel the game is too commercial nowadays? There is a danger that kids get the wrong idea when people like you endorse unhealthy food products….
SRT: Correct. It is essential to select the right products to advertise. A deal that I was very interested in was to use me as an person who loved Broccoli, like Popeye loving Spinach. It would have made kids follow healthier eating habits. I later on got my wish when I endorsed NECC. The game got quite commercial in my time itself- my manager told me to copyright my century celebration and the crouch in my batting stance but I decided enough is enough. In fact, Itch Guard wanted to pay a lot of money to put their logo on my pants and were planning to run a scratch card scheme with a meeting with me as the grand prize, but I thumbed it down.
PVP: What don’t you like in today’s world?
SRT: The excessive media exposure, no doubt. I remember when Anjali and Arjun came to watch me at Kolkata, I ended up scoring only 10 runs. Thankfully the media were not so harsh as they’ve been with Virat. Anjali would have been madder than any fast bowler had it happened to her. Plus, the media would have asked why they did not censor my assaults on Olonga and Shoaib by putting a PG-13 rating for excessive violence. They would have dug up my birth certificate, taken a photo of me carrying drinks in my debut series and criticized BCCI for indulging in child labour.
PVP: You were named after a famous music composer. You do know that there are probably millions of kids in India named after you, right?
SRT: I was inspired by Gavaskar and Viv Richards. I’m happy that I could inspire a lot of people to play cricket. Andy Zaltzman joked that I was responsible indirectly for India’s population boom. But many of the kids who were inspired by me helped our team India to lift the World cup trophy in Mumbai in 2011. It touched my heart when they dedicated the win to me.
PVP: Thank you very much for the honest interview, paaji! Like many parents of players like Sachin Baby, I’m sure they will be saying, “We did it for Sachin!” for years to come. That’s it from me.
Disclaimer: Almost all punchlines were taken from @paajivspunter. The images used are not property of this blog. The copyright, if any, rests with the respective owners. All lines written are fictional with the intention of humour only and should be taken with a large dose of salt.