According to unconfirmed reports from unconfirmed sources, BCCI is mulling a 3 month long inter-state tour involving the Indian team with Virat Kohli at the helm. Sources connected to the BCCI speaking to wannabe media pundit paajivspunter said that this was the outcome of a hastily convened top secret national executive meeting at its headquarters. It has also emerged that ever since the news of the forecast of the monsoon being deficient trickled to the mainstream media, government officials were wondering what countermeasures could be used to beat the predictions proactively. A top ranking BCCI official, Sabka Lele, did not attempt to dispel these reports at this stage, as told to paajivspunter in an exclusive:
PVP: Sir, is it true that a Virat Kohli led team will tour various Indian states in the monsoon?
SL: The details are still being worked out. Very soon you will hear an announcement from the Government of India confirming this arrangement. Of course, we can certainly say that we won’t have a game in Mumbai. This program is also the reason why a second string team will be sent to Zimbabwe tour.
PVP: What is the motive behind this sudden announcement sir?
SL: What motive shotive? Virat has had a dream run with rain in the IPL all over India and his influence in Bangladesh was there for everyone to see. Why should only a privileged few have access to this water?
PVP: Is there a precedent for such a move?
SL: Haan, our president has only approved this. Our country has a long history of different practices and customs for invoking rain. Don’t you know Tansen was involved with the Raag Megh Malhar? I don’t like it that you are only pointing out our poor charitable organization.
PVP: Have the BCCI looked at ethical practices and funding for this series? Do you think there will be any takers?
SL: (Angrily) Don’t think we’ve not thought of all this. The NGO liberal intellectuals might stage a dharna protesting that we are going to eat into the income of tribal witch doctors and that there might be a PIL to see if if FDI is allowed in this industry but we are going to go ahead. We are planning to trademark this around Virat who can become the face of raincoat and umbrella brands as well. Imagine the amounts we can save with no cloud seeding with this Virat Kohli rain method (trademark pending). People will love it! We can have a tie-up with Bollywood for shoots in the rain and that is an industry which can use our expertise as well. I’m sure Anushka will love this suggestion.
PVP: Do you think the political class will object to this move like IPL 2009?
SL: On the contrary, with this path breaking idea, the governments will be falling over themselves to claim credit and will pay top dollar to stage the series at their home states. Besides, you forget that we have top executives from every political party at BCCI (winks).
PVP: How would this improve Indian cricket?
SL: Look, we have an encashable asset in Virat Kohli. Imagine if India has to save a test match abroad or is in a hopeless situation like the 2003 World Cup final- we can deploy Virat Kohli and save the day. In fact, additional revenue streams can be generated by loaning out Kohli to weaker teams who have to hide their deficiencies under the cover of rain. Any team with an interest of stalling or raining off a match can rent Kohli’s services. Plus, BCCI have got the rights to produce the sequel to The Water Diviner with Kohli and Anushka as the leads during the off season.
PVP: Don’t you think this is an additional financial burden for the weaker nations, especially in this financial climate?
SL: (Thunders) Utter nonsense! Teams are already put off by playing at a high level at the start of their cricketing journeys. We are easing their baby steps in this hard world of cricket, no? Nobody likes to watch a losing team. If they can’t save for the sake of cricket’s future in their countries, it is their problem. Doesn’t the English language itself have a saying that one has to save for a rainy day?
Disclaimer: Almost all punchlines were taken from @paajivspunter. The image used is not property of this blog. The copyright, if any, rests with the respective owners. All lines written are fictional with the intention of humour only and should be taken with a large dose of salt.